The 8 Rules of McGill Fight Club

Photo by BRICK 101, courtesy of Creative Commons

Note: The views in this article do not express the official opinions of The Bull & Bear editorial board. This is merely in jest, and we do not aim to offend any involved.

1. You do not talk About McGill Fight Club Unless you have a stylized, pastel poster made on Word displaying the time, location, and real names of those involved. 

2. You do NOT TALK About McGill Fight Club — But posting it all over Snapchat and Instagram is permitted. Tweeting is also highly encouraged.

3. Campus is closed, but the Floor 11 RVC Casino stays open — Prospective first-year students are often ushered around the downtown campus by part-time student tour guides. Don’t bother trying to show these incoming first-years anything that might be useful to their campus experience like “lecture halls” or “libraries.”  Direct them straight to the only campus facility that matters: the betting rooms in Floor 11 RVC.

4. Only two garçons to a fight — first up is Maxime (RVC) v Justin (RVC). Emre (RVC) v Isaac (RVC) are on deck. Gloves and basic first aid are provided. (First aid includes Seb (RVC)’s band-aids and Simon (Solin)’s epipen.)

5. There will be some spontaneous matches between scheduled events — Prizes include borrowing Ayomide (New Rez)’s One Card for the week, or first edits on Matt (Solin)’s POLI midterm. (His insights into the collapse of the Soviet Union show a strong understanding of course material, but his thesis is too broad.) Betting will take place using your parents’ money. If your mom asks, tell her you spent your monthly allowance on a PSYC textbook.

6. Every fight is pre-recorded — Like online school, McGill fight club takes into account that many participants might be experiencing asynchronous fighting from all across the world. That means that every fight on Forbes Field is recorded in advance and posted on MyCourses. All cheering can also occur via discussion board post.

7. All expletives can be shouted in either English or French — While McGill Fight Club is an English-speaking organization, we understand that we are in the heart of the bilingual city of Montreal. As you dodge a roundhouse kick from Evan (La Cit), feel free to shout “My god!” or “Mon dieu!” interchangeably.

8. No shirts, no shoes, and no basic understanding of film theory — Like common sense, a rudimentary understanding of David Fincher’s Fight Club (1999) and its layered critique of hyper-masculinity is not permitted when you enter Forbes Field. In this club, we judge movies by their posters alone! As you guys apply ice-packs to your bruises the next morning, consider refreshing VSB for an open seat in ENGL 277: Introduction to Film Studies. 

*

And that’s all. Stay safe,  stay well, and knock yourself out!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.