What Your McGill Study Spot Says About You

Graphic by Sam Shepherd, Images from Creative Commons

It’s finals season, baby! 

In addition to being stressed about employment opportunities, politics, and the cruel, slow demise of our planet, us McGill students are now grappling with half a dozen papers and exams to cram out. Stress levels are running high, so many of us are flocking to some familiar locations to scramble together our cue cards and mind maps. 

From café crawlers to McLennan 6ers, here is what your preferred study location reveals about you.

If you study in cafés in the Milton-Parc intersection…

You are desperate to get out of the “toxic” McGill Bubble, but due to certain constraints (such as weather, laziness, time, etc.) you can’t seem to make it to the Plateau. So, latte and laptop stickers in hand, you settle for Parc Avenue. Your aversion to McGill social life stems purely from the fact that you are never invited to anything fun, but you tell people that you “choose” not to participate. You are overly confident enough to study in these cafés despite the risk of being yelled at or being told to move by café employees. You are somehow talented enough to both eat and study in your tiny allocated space, which means you are likely not doing anything of much importance. 

If you study in cafés in Old Port/outside of McGill Bubble…

This means you have enough time to walk all the way to a bougie Old Port café and take frequent breaks to document your study sesh on your Instagram story, which means you are probably an Arts student. You have really good handwriting, perfect notes, and the nicest school supplies. Yet, despite the A+ study swag, you mostly get Bs. You LOVE to talk about how stressed out you are about your essay on the illicit homoeroticism between Reagan and Gorbachev while frequently mentioning how you “live” solely off coffee. While you’re a normie on campus, sitting in these cafés among non-McGill students helps you assert some social superiority.

If you study in the Redpath basement…

You like to wallow in your Seasonal Affective Disorder and choose to study in a depressing basement because you see studying as a form of torture. You’re also a Medieval Studies minor, so dungeons feel like home to you. You claim you are “different” and that “no one understands you,” so you have to isolate yourself. Close proximity to the former PM (may she rest in peace) allows you to stay caffeinated and maintain somewhat of a normal eating schedule without wasting time. This, OR you are only in the basement to meet in a Cybertheque Pod with your Poli Sci study group. If you fall into this second category, you probably spend the bulk of your parents’ allowance on Tim Hortons for you and your study-mates, only to spend the whole time you booked in the room gossiping about McMUN hookups.

If you study in the Redpath main floor, in the…

Quiet section…

If you study in this section, you are either a newbie to the library and too afraid to go to McLennan OR you are extremely judgemental and enjoy glaring at people from the windows. You are the master of the side-eye. You snicker to yourself when the occasional passerby slips on ice like a true Lawful Evil. 

Talking section…

You are definitely not getting any work done, and sitting on the comfy human chairs brings some much-needed human connection to your life. You are a master of procrastination and cramming. Once you realize how useless this spot is — those human chairs are surprisingly stiff — you will inevitably move to McLennan.

If you study at McLennan Library, on the…

1st floor…

Who are you?

2nd floor…

If you opt for the 2nd floor of McLennan, you are likely either French and walk around the whole time talking to your various French friends, and/or you and your “squad” monopolize an entire section, taking breaks every 5 minutes to message each other memes. You take advantage of the open floor plan/high school cafeteria vibes by gossiping about the people around you and staring at whoever enters the room. You probably peaked in Rez but now struggle to maintain your social standing now that everyone is spread out in Milton-Parc.

3rd to 5th floors…

You are a bit mysterious, low-key, and probably have your life together more than any of the other study groups mentioned. You are mentally stable and not desperate for attention, have a strong social life but are able to say no to a night out, and you keep up regular communication with your family. Yes, you are extremely basic, but you are somehow also a rarity at McGill. Your only fault is that you take advantage of the elevator lobby for obnoxiously making out with your significant other, flexing on the lonely passersby.

6th floor…

You are elite, the top of the top, closest to God, the human embodiment of work hard, play hard. You retreat to the 6th floor during the day so you can go out every night and still manage to pass your classes. You most definitely circle around the entire 6th floor trying to “find a seat” but you are really just looking to “spontaneously” run into your crush. If this doesn’t sound like you, you are probably just the work-hard type who gets mad when someone eats or makes the slightest noise, or a French couple who somehow believes this is an appropriate spot to make out.

If you study at Café Campus… 

You are a Hype, Carnival, Science Games, Fac-O, and E-Week (whatever that is) king/queen. You see studying as an optional part of university and justify reckless drinking by stressing that it is all part of the “McGill Experience.” Your parents didn’t let you go to an actual party school, so you participate in every social event possible and you desperately try to prove to your friends at home that McGill is “lit” through endless Snapchat stories. You are not really sure what you’re majoring in, but somehow you are in Science. It would be a miracle if you manage to graduate before 2030, but hey, at least you will come out of this degree knowing every lyric to Katy Perry’s “Firework.”

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