The Olympics are the pinnacle of sports. The best athletes in the world compete to win glory for themselves and their countries with their raw athleticism, incredible feats of strength, and determination dominating the spotlight. However, one aspect of the Olympics that is often neglected is the viewers: the average, far less athletic, far less determined people watching from their homes.
If you’ve ever watched the Olympics and its countless events, you’ve probably entertained the thought: I could probably do this. I mean…I feel confident in my ability to replicate the performance Australia’s break-dancer Raygun put out. If she can make the Olympics, why can’t I?
However, even I am not delusional enough to believe I have what it takes to qualify for any Olympic sport at my current stage. It’s in cases like these that I start to curse my parents for not teaching me how to fence or play table tennis the second I was out of the womb. While it is unlikely that any of us reading this article will ever qualify for the Olympics, it is important we don’t repeat our parents’ mistakes. There is still a way for us to experience the glory of the Olympics – through our kids. With that, I am going to present to you a detailed guide for you to follow to ensure your future child becomes an Olympian.
The first and most obvious step to consider is what sport your child should pick. Sports with deep talent pools are significantly harder to become the best in. Skill aside, it will be extremely difficult for your kid to be world-class in a sport such as football or hockey due to the sheer number of people who play them.
Building on this, sports that require raw athleticism or rely on good genetics should be eliminated. Basketball, volleyball, gymnastics, wrestling, and pretty much every event at the Olympics need these requirements. Your child is not going to be 6’6 or have the genetic make-up to run a sub ten 100 meter. So, there is basically no chance for the majority of sports at the Olympics.
However, some sports don’t rely on physicality as much. One of the first sports I considered while writing this article was race walking. I have to admit, when I viewed this event during the last summer Olympics, the contestants’ comical ‘walking’ made it difficult for me to take the sport seriously. Yet, the more I dug into race walking, the more impressive it became. Race walkers at the Olympics can average a 7:00 mile pace. Most people can’t even run a 7:00 mile. Becoming a race walker who can qualify for the Olympics is no easy task.
The best bet is probably archery or shooting, two sports that require a high level of mental concentration and precision but are not as physically demanding. People of all heights and builds can shoot a bow or gun when provided the proper training, especially if you start your child young. However, the skill level is still so immense that it is practically impossible for most people to master. The steady hand and eagle-like eyesight needed is rare, especially with each new generation becoming increasingly glued to their screens.
Another strategy that may help is citizenship. Different countries excel at different sports depending on popularity, culture, and the environment. The competition for swimming in a landlocked African country is probably a lot smaller than if you were competing as an American. However, many athletes now train outside of their representative country as there are better facilities for certain sports abroad. Unfortunately for us, that means that factors like the environment don’t matter as much. For example, many Olympic swimmers who don’t represent the US train in the US because it has the best facilities and high-quality swimming programs. Likewise, the best football players, regardless of their nationality, train in Europe.
You could also try to represent a country that has a small population. San Marino, with its minuscule population of around 33,000 people, could be a good shot. As a country located within Italy, football should naturally be one of their better sports. A few years ago, however, their national team literally consisted of accountants, shop owners, factory workers, and a lawyer. I’m sure if you started training your kid from birth in something like shooting, they could probably be the best out of 33,000 people, most of whom probably have no interest in competing in any sport. However, the problem is that San Marino does not offer birthright citizenship. To get around this, at least one parent has to be a citizen.
So, there you have it. The best option to get your future child into the Olympics is to marry a San Marino citizen (they have no birthright citizenship), train your child from birth in shooting (the least physically demanding sport), and hope they are good enough to meet the minimum standards to qualify in the Olympics. Seems easy enough.
