Note: The views in this article are satirical and do not reflect the actual opinions of the Bull & Bear editorial board.
On Sunday, November 21st, Principal and vice-Chancellor Suzanne Fortier emailed the McGill undergraduate and graduate student population to alert them of a new change to the name of the largest library on the downtown campus. McLennan Library, previously named after the famous Canadian author and McGill graduate, will now be referred to as The Crypto.com Library to reflect a recent, anonymous donation to the university.
The decision was made on the heels of a recent donation from a wealthy, millennial investor who made their fortune entirely through cryptocurrency. “I have no idea why they did this,” shared Thomas, U2 materials engineering. “Hugh McLennan wrote one of the landmark texts that describes the distinct, bilingual character of Montreal. It just feels wrong to me.” He then added, “That being said, I’d love to explain Bitcoin to you some time. You see, a blockchain is an online datab-”
When asked for comment, Principal Suzanne Fortier reminded The Bull & Bear that McGill alumnus Stephen P.H. Butler Leacock, after whom the Leacock building is named, also invested in cryptocurrency. I mean, she thinks he would have, had he been born today. Sounds about right. He was also opposed to giving women the right to vote.
In the same email, Principal Fortier shared that the McConnell Engineering will be renamed The XÆ-12 Building. Stewart Bio is to be renamed “Jeepers! That’s way too far away. I guess I’ll just drop the course.” The James McGill Statue, which was defaced last July, will be replaced by a very large birthday cake Timbit. The email ended with a note that despite these new changes, the user interface to Minerva will not be updated any time in the immediate future.
Get investing, folks!