On April 1st, 2022, the McGill Administration announced an exciting new scholarship for students completing their degrees at McGill’s downtown campus. “The ‘Grimes’ Scholarship For Students in Weird Relationships’ will come into effect immediately, and undergraduate students from all disciplines will be eligible to apply each year.
According to the recent announcement on the McGill website, the scholarship “will be awarded on a needs-based basis for two students in their third or fourth year of studies who are just in something that like…doesn’t make sense. Like, really? You’re with them? I just…okay, love is blind, I guess.” The scholarship is worth $127 610, the price of a Model S Tesla.
The scholarship was inspired by Canadian musician Claire Boucher, otherwise known by her stage name ‘Grimes.’ Boucher was enrolled in McGill’s Arts and Science program in the late 2000s, studying neuroscience and Russian studies. Boucher never completed her degree, as she dropped out of McGill in 2011 to focus on her burgeoning music career. She would also later go on to date tech giant Elon Musk from 2018 to 2022, a relationship that made no sense whatsoever.
“I’m really excited about this scholarship,” said Skyler Clemson, U2 anthropology student. “As a first-generation, environmental and Indigenous rights activist, I am applying for this award with my boyfriend, ‘Brad,’ a ninth-generation son of an oil CEO who bench presses to Jordan Peterson videos.”
“Hopefully this will make students in nonsensical relationships feel less alone,” added the newly appointed third Deputy Provost Xavier LeFleur. “Every year, we keep seeing students in long-distance, on-and-off-again throuples with their former TAs struggling to pay rent for their plant dungeons in the Plateau. With the money from this scholarship, these three can live happily ever after, even though two of them keep talking about transferring to Concordia and starting an indie band.”
The Grimes Scholarship recently received its first two recipients. Earlier this morning, the first award went to Marc-Antoine, a vegan Francophone who works at Santropol studying philosophy, and his girlfriend Tiffani, U2 Commerce student who gets blackout drunk on Tokyo Thursdays and thinks Couche-Tard is a swear word. The two winners have not yet communicated with each other about where they want to go to eat dinner, as neither one of them knows each other’s language.
When asked to comment about the recent recipients, the Deputy Provosts turned to the camera and appeared to address an invisible narrator. “Her?”